infidelity in the digital age

As "high" as you might feel with your side-piece, you are not actually addicted to them.

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Yes, it's likely that cheaters are in imperfect relationships. But get this — everyone is in an imperfect relationship. Everyone is disappointed by their spouse sometimes.

Everyone feels isolated and lonely from time to time. And in the course of a lifetime together, you're going to have sex issues at some point.

20 Unbelievable Excuses Cheaters Made For Their Behavior

I used the excuse of my husband's sometimes cruel behavior for why I cheated on him. But the truth is, it was always me who chose to cheat. I never needed to. I could've relied upon myself to get through our hard times. And more importantly, if I'd been truly present in my marriage, we might have been able to get help earlier. We've been told this lie for so long, now we use it as an excuse to cheat, even if subconsciously. I also sought out the "high" of having someone care about me and lust after me.

That gave me a sense of worth, long after I was grown enough to know better. A guy who cheated on me explained many years later that he used cheating to "treat" his depression. Keeping his life in chaos by juggling four or five partners at once, trying to keep track of all the lies, and having so many women feed his ego kept him from having to truly feel his despair.

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Sure, I was an imperfect partner to him, but he cheated because he chose to. A million couples have imperfect relationships and never choose to cheat. There may be cheaters who always cheat, but that's not because it's in their DNA though there is evidence a gene may influence who is most likely to cheat or because cheaters can never change. A report by ABC News explains this so-called "thrill-seeking" gene like this:. In what is being called a first of its kind study, researchers at Binghamton University, State University of New York SUNY have discovered that about half of all people have a gene that makes them more vulnerable to promiscuity and cheating.

Those with a certain variant of the dopamine receptor D4 polymorphism — or DRD4 gene — "were more likely to have a history of uncommitted sex, including one-night stands and acts of infidelity," according to lead investigator Justin Garcia. Tell that to the millions of cheaters who stopped cheating, and to the millions of families over the course of modernity who managed to stay together after infidelity. Trust needs to be rebuilt, and that takes time.

A lot of time. And a lot of work. Both partners need to figure out how they contributed to making a cruddy marriage, but the cheater needs to figure out how not to cheat, and for every cheater, that answer is going to be different. Therapy, counseling, a healthier lifestyle, or something along the lines of finding meaning in religion or a higher purpose in life are all options. Some couples even open up their relationships or become polyamorous as a solution, though that does not mean a cheater should make sex with outside partners a condition of staying together.

It is rare that marriages are happier when open, but it happens. I'm just saying that the possibility may exist for you, if you both feel that polyamory is more natural for you. Believing these cheating myths only serves to keep us in unhealthy relationships. Elizabeth Ayers-Callahan is a writer focusing on love and relationship issues who is a frequent contributor to YourTango. Sign in. Elizabeth Ayers-Callahan. Anyone can be unfaithful, but while you shouldn't necessarily base your judgments off of the stereotypical cheats you see depicted in Hollywood, there are some common personality traits cheaters share.


  • Staying late at work.
  • way to read text messages online.
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  • They come home later.
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If any of the following red flags are waving right in front of you, it could be a sign your partner's up to something. It is a truth universally acknowledged that secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone. But not only are a cheater's secrets not fun, they're rarely shared with anyone.


  • Top 10 Excuses for Cheating;
  • 5 Excuses You'll Hear From Cheating Women.
  • spy sms without install the target mobile phone.
  • spying on phones;
  • Here are 7 excuses a cheater will try to give you:.
  • Cheaters like to keep their personal lives private..

A cheater's secrets can often be revealed through their recent calls list, in text messages on their phone, or a private folder in their email. But a locked phone especially, Susan Winter said, is a dead giveaway. Cheaters tend to put some pretty intense privacy setting on their personal lives too, so it's not just their romantic happenings they'll keep to themselves, Winters explained.

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They prefer to keep all personal details such as things about their family, who their friends are, and where they work on the DL, too. You might recall this trick of the trade from the teen dramedy "John Tucker Must Die," but apparently the three-time cheater's strategy of calling his three girlfriends "baby" and "sweetheart" wasn't just clever writing, it's a legitimate tactic cheaters use to make sure they aren't mixing up your name with their other partner's name. Winters said cheaters will latch onto cutesy nicknames like "baby" and "sweetheart" so that the odds of a slip up are in their favor.

Don't feel bad if you've ever fallen for a cheater's false promises and lame excuses for canceling plans in the past.

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It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it. So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of Love Victory said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship. What's even more disturbing about cheaters is that not only do they know wha t to say, they know how to say it, and how to carry themselves so that their body language doesn't give away a lie.

In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other. Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning.

But if your partner starts seeing other people behind your back, don't be surprised if the first sign of infidelity is distance. When you reach out, you get no reply or told they'll get right back to you — which they don't," Wish explained. You've heard the phrase "it's not you, it's me? Nothing a cheater does is your fault, but the second they start rationalizing their affair aloud to you, it can be easy to forget they acted on their own accord.

Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat. Let's say you ask your significant other about a single friend or co-worker they've been cozying up to or talking a lot with recently.